Isolation Journals..Outside calls
Its now April 8th.. I've been spending a lot of time on the front porch.. and I mean a lot. It has recently become my favorite reading nook and is where I do all of my class work since going online. Motivation has been a little hard to come by. So I've been reading a lot and have even been doing simple yoga practices in my room. It helps fuel me for the tasks I have to complete during the day.
Spending so much time with Mother Nature and I'm positive she is calling me to write more.
So here is something I wrote a day or two ago, I can't keep up.. It is not yet finished and needs a bit of tweaking.
The wind and air embrace me in their whispers and arms the same way he would clasp me into his.
Though the ground and grass underneath my skin draws me back to the mornings I'd wake up and sit with him, scrawly chest hair below my chin. Now I hear his laughter bellowing in barks and in breezes around me.
But in the rain and gloom I often feel his absence and nevertheless am reminded of the Mays and Junes we spent our weekends in rivers
The cool water spills down my head and to my knees, leaving goose pimples behind on each of my limbs. This reminds me of the water and trees and rivers where I feel at rest and clean.
I feel no blame but instead am surfaced with grief. The grief I fled many moons from now frees me from any shame.
The thunder rumbles but the birds remain chipper and they tell me I am not to blame
and that I cannot control the rain.
If I had to explain it to somebody, I'd say that the most 'at home' I have felt since losing my dad has been with nature. I definitely feel at home around my family and in my home, but I feel a different kind of peace that reminds me of him when I am able to become one with the outside around me.
I took some self portraits last week.. It was honestly really hard and the ground was uneven but I ended up liking them quite all right.
Music I asm listening to right now would include my friend Ali's new album, Uncomfortable Truths, stream it here on Spotify or look for it on your preferred streaming service.
Also, the strokes new album, The New Abnormal.. here
Fathers and Sons by Ivan Turgenev
The Night Ocean by Paul La Farge
and re-reading all of the Harry Potter series, currently on book four.